


Life is not a god damn romance movie

by Readingfanfics



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Asexuality Spectrum, Fanfic as Therapy, M/M, Teenlock, talking about sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-01
Updated: 2017-08-26
Packaged: 2018-10-26 07:31:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10782336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Readingfanfics/pseuds/Readingfanfics
Summary: “Do you want to come over?”





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Sort of inspired by real life and with everything in my life I can't deal with on an emotional level, I write a ficlet for it. 
> 
> Enjoy.

“Do you want to come over?”

 

He's been staring at the text for too long, 5 minutes and 23 seconds, but he can't not look at it. There it is, black on white, a clear invitation and it leaves Sherlock spinning and terrified. His heart is beating too fast, his hands are sweating and a thousand images come to mind. Images of things that could happen, things that maybe will happen, things that Sherlock wants to happen.

 

It's too much and it leaves him floating in the space between want and waiting. Saying 'yes' seems too eager, too terrifying but saying 'no' would kill him so he just lets the moment go on, stretching it out.

 

He bites his lip, hands above the keys but every single response sounds stupid and pathetic.

 

“YES, god yes.”

 

“Sure, what time?”

 

“Why?!”

 

And that's the most important thing right now. Why? He can't find an answer to that but asking seems a little rude. He doesn't want him to know how scared he is, how inexperienced. Maybe it's nothing, just a casual thing between sort of friends. Maybe there will be a whole group of people there and then he's worrying, freaking out, over nothing. Maybe Greg just wants to be nice, make Sherlock feel included, cause Greg would do that. He's that kind of person.

 

Somehow that idea makes his heart break and he drops his phone next to him, wishing he'd never read the message, wishing he could go back. This thing is getting out of hand, a silly fantasy but now Greg has asked him to come over and Sherlock wants to go. He wants to see him again, hear his voice, see his smile, the sparkle in Greg's eyes when he makes Sherlock blush. Feel Greg's hand in his own, share a kiss.

 

STUPID! INSANE! GET A GRIP!

 

The idea of kissing Greg makes him go light headed but the idea of Greg _wanting_ to kiss him makes him feel like a fool. They've known each other for years and not once has Greg shown any sign of wanting to kiss Sherlock. He can't remember when it changed, when he wanted to kiss Greg.

 

It feels like he's been wanting to kiss Greg for years now, dreaming about him, about them and how it could be. Greg is kind and patient, likes Sherlock's mind and humour and sometimes Greg seems to know Sherlock better then he knows himself. They have some things in common but at the same time they are so different. How could it possible work?

 

He shakes his head, pulling his hair a little to snap out of his thought when a new messages comes in.

 

“Or I can come over to your place?”

 

At least this time he doesn't need so much time to figure it out. Four minutes and 10 seconds is enough to read the message, then read it again and feel the panic somewhat ease. It's not a group thing. It can't be a group thing if Greg wants to come over to Sherlock's house, right? But Mycroft is home and it's too early for Greg to meet his brother.

 

“What if he likes Mycroft better?” It's not a silly thought, Mycroft is more social, more put together and he's not ugly or fat. Sherlock just says that cause it pisses Mycroft off.

 

He's also smarter and 7 years older. Thinking about his brother's sex life is disturbing but he knows Mycroft has had relationships before. He knows what to do, what to say, how to act. Greg can't come over to his house and meet Mycroft. No, it's better the other way around. It makes the most sense and it's not far, 15 minutes with a car and Sherlock can drive. He could drive to Greg, see him, hear him speak and hopefully laugh. Maybe hug him goodbye?

 

He makes up his mind, letting out a slow breath as he types, his body buzzing with excitement and fear. This is new territory, something has changed already between them but he needs to know, needs to see what it is. He gets up, searching for a new shirt, trying not to think too much about it, just getting ready and out the door, in his car and on the road.

 

Fifteen minutes feels like eternity but suddenly he's in front of Greg's house, ringing the bell with shaking hands. He holds his breath as soon as he hears sounds from inside, his heart is racing, ears buzzing and then

 

“Sherlock! Come in, so glad you came.”

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sherlock was brave enough to go to Greg's house but now comes the most difficult part, being honest about sex.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this chapter back in May and then sort of forgot about it, till someone left me a comment. This part of the story isn't really inspired by real life but some of Sherlock's fears and worries are. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy.  
> \----------------------------------------------------------------

“I can't have sex with you.”

 

Sherlock places one hand on Greg's chest but he can't find the strength to push him away. Greg is warm and soft against him and he likes how he can smell him. It's a mix of sunlight and soap and it's doing things to Sherlock's brain. He likes how one of Greg's hand is on his thigh, while the other is at the back of his neck. He likes how soft Greg's lips are against his, how his tongue tastes against his own, the way Greg slowly adds more pressure and passion into the kiss.

 

He likes kissing Greg a lot but he's still panicking, his body buzzing with nerves as Greg pulls back. Sherlock could watch him all day, how Greg's lips are a bit red and swollen, the way his eyes are darker than seconds before. How Greg's hair is messy because of Sherlock's fingers running through them. How Greg is having a hard time breathing, his chest rising and falling faster than before, his eyes a little hazy as he blinks.

 

He likes Greg this close to him, being able to touch him and smell him. He likes how he can see every wrinkle around Greg's eyes, not that he has a lot of them but Sherlock can picture how many Greg will have when he's older.

 

He'll be gorgeous.

 

He doesn't want this to end but Greg needs to know and it seemed like the best time. Not the perfect time, but better than waiting a little longer and having him ruin things completely. He knows Greg was building up to more, felt it in the pressure of the kiss, the way Greg pressed himself closer, how he moaned in Sherlock's mouth as the grip at the back of his neck got needier.

 

Not that Greg would ever hurt Sherlock but Sherlock's isn't so sure if he wouldn't hurt Greg so he blurted it out the moment Greg needed some air before kissing him again. It's a small window of opportunity and now Sherlock sees Greg leaning back again, his eyes getting more focused, the words sinking in.

 

_Please don't hate me._

 

Greg's grip on the back of his neck falls away as he removes his hand and Sherlock misses it already. He loves Greg's hands on his body, it makes his skin feel alive, his nerves sing and if he really pays attention he can feel the calluses on Greg's palms. Greg is a man of action and work, always busy with his hands, always creating. He's not like Sherlock, wrapped up in his mind, constantly searching and seeing. They're so different in some ways but it works. The idea of losing that almost feels like a real slap to the cheek but he needs to be honest.

 

“Sherlock, what's going on?”

 

The fact that Greg's other hand is still on Sherlock's thigh gives him hope. He looks up and doesn't see any anger in Greg's eyes. Just confusion and something else Sherlock can't quite make out. He's never been an expert at emotions but Greg has always been easy to read. He doesn't hide behind a mask or a massive wall like Sherlock does. Greg invites the world in, letting people see who he really is, the good and the bad and it's something Sherlock envies at times.

 

He sees the concern grow on Greg's face, the beginning of a frown and realizes he hasn't answered Greg's question in the appropriate amount of time. He places his hand on top of Greg's, the one that's on his thigh and sees Greg relax just a fraction.

 

“I. I like you. A lot.”

The urge to roll his eyes at himself is overwhelming, hearing how stupid he sounds but Greg just smiles at him. One of those smiles that light up the entire street so he must have said something good. Not smart, but good.

 

“I like you a lot too Sherlock. Did I do something wrong?”

 

Concern in Greg's eyes again as his other hand grabs Sherlock's free one, holding it tightly.

 

“Did I hurt you or upset you?”

 

Sherlock shakes his head. It's not something Greg has done but it could be something Greg wants to do later on. He sighs, frustration entering his system as Greg keeps watching him, the concern and worry intensifying.

 

“You didn't hurt me, Greg, I promise.”

 

He gives a tiny smile and Greg tries to smile back but it doesn't reach his eyes. Sherlock soon figured out when Greg was happy or sad and this is the latter, the smile not reaching his eyes, not lighting up the room.

 

“Then why did you say that? Just now about not having sex with me.”

 

There's still no anger in Greg's voice but the tone is a bit tense and Sherlock puts pressure on Greg's hand underneath him. He doesn't want Greg to walk out, to leave him and this could do that. Could stop everything that was being set in motion. His throat feels a little dry as the moment goes on, Greg clearly waiting for an answer. Sherlock takes a breath, letting it out slowly to calm his nerves.

 

“Cause you want to have sex with me. I know you do and I had to say something before- before you figured out that something is wrong with me.”

 

“Wrong with you? What do you mean, Sherlock?”

 

Greg's face has become harder, a tightness around his eyes that Sherlock hasn't seen before at it closes up his throat. He tries to pull his hand out of Greg's but Greg just holds on a little tighter, moving so there's more space between them.

 

“Don't go, Sherlock. I don't want to let go of your hand. Tell me what you mean. What's wrong with you?”

 

Sherlock swallows to try and speak but nothing comes out. He looks at Greg helplessly, squeezing Greg's hand tightly and somehow Greg understands. He moves closer again, the warmth of his body radiating into Sherlock's and this time his throat relaxes, words ready to tumble out.

 

“I like you. I like how you make me feel, how you make me laugh, how you love my mind. I like how your body feels against mine, how your hands feels against my skin. I like the taste of you, the way you smell. I can't get enough of it. I like how you look at me, how your eyes widen when I say something smart, how you moan when our tongues connect.”

 

Sherlock takes a breath and sees how Greg's mouth has fallen open while he spoke. He sees the darkness in Greg's eyes, how his cheeks flame up and he wants to feel the heat on his lips. He leans forward, hearing Greg catch his breath as his lips touch Greg's cheek. It's on fire and Sherlock's tongue comes out, wanting to cool the skin.

“Sherlock, god!”

 

Greg's voice is rough and full of want and he feels Greg's hands on his chest, probing him lightly. When he leans back he sees the desire in Greg's eyes and this time his cheeks flame up as he looks down and sees the bulge in Greg's pants.

 

“Sherlock, I'm trying here but, but you need to stop doing that, okay?”

 

Greg's face is a mix of desire and agony and Sherlock wants to kick himself for putting Greg in that position.

 

_Tease! You're a bloody tease!_

 

He looks down in shame, his face bright red, body hunched over and hears Greg sigh, an edge of frustration to it.

 

“Sherlock. What are you trying to tell me?”

 

“I like you but I can't have sex with you. I don't- I don't get turned on like you. I don't get an e-erection.”

 

Saying it out loud makes Sherlock want to cringe. He's afraid of Greg's reaction cause in the past it has not gone over well with some people.

 

Like John.

 

He closes his eyes, not allowing his mind to go there. Greg is not John and John is long gone. He needs to stop living in the past and focus on now. Greg in front of him, still sitting close, still holding his hand. It fills his heart with hope and he opens his eyes, seeing Greg stare at him. It's uncomfortable and now he knows what it feels like when he does it to other people. He feel goose bumps form on his skin and swallows, filling up the silence before it breaks him into pieces.

 

“I understand if you don't want to see me anymore. I know you didn't sign up for this, broken goods and all.”

 

He's ready to stand up and walk away, head held high but he doesn't get very far as Greg's hand grabs him, pulling him back on the bed.

 

“You are not broken goods Sherlock Holmes, don't ever let me hear you say that again!”

 

Greg's face is serious and hard and Sherlock feels his heart skip a beat, nerves kicking in as Greg looks him over, not letting go of his hand.

 

“So you don't get turned on sexually? Ever?”

 

Sherlock takes a breath as Greg waits for an answer. Telling Greg that he does get turned on sometimes could make this all worse. People don't understand, they never understand how Sherlock can't get turned on by them but sometimes does get an erection. He doesn't understand it himself at times, frustration coming over him again. Frustration over his body, his feelings, his past and this moment.

 

He shouldn't have said anything! Now he's going to lose Greg because of this. He should have just let Greg get on with it. He's capable of it, after all, he's learned that with experience but-

 

_But it wasn't pleasant at all._

 

He looks up into Greg's eyes, seeing the endless patience there and he swallows, taking the risk one more time.

 

“I wasn't honest right now. I- I do get an erection sometimes but never- never when I _need_ it.”

 

A second of confusion on Greg's face and Sherlock growls in frustration, pulling his hand away from under Greg's, standing up, his back facing Greg's.

 

“I sometimes get an erection when I please myself but that only happens rarely. I don't need sex, I don't want it and the idea of it makes me sick. I like kissing and touching you, even, even- aggr.”

 

He stops again, pulling his curls as he closes his eyes. This is too hard, talking about how weird he is, he can just feel the judgment in Greg's eyes burning him and he wants to leave. He moves to the door again but Greg takes his hand, not pulling him back, not using force at all. He just keeps hold of Sherlock's hand and Sherlock stops moving.

 

“Don't go. Please, just stay?”

 

Greg's voice is soft, a hint of insecurity in it and Sherlock lets out a breath, turning slowly to face Greg, afraid to see all his thoughts.

 

_Whatever he thinks about me now, it won't be good._

 

“So, if I understand it right, you like kissing and touching but not penetration?”

 

“Yes. I can't- I can't.”

 

“Shht Sherlock, it's okay. I understand.”

 

“Do you?”

 

There is a hard edge to his voice, his eyes scanning Greg's face, not ready to believe it. Everyone says that they understand in the beginning but soon when they find out Sherlock wasn't kidding, they become angry and upset.

 

“ _You don't love me, you can't even get it up, you don't even want me.”_

 

“ _What happened to you? Clearly, someone did something to you.”_

 

“ _Just relax baby, I'll fix it all.”_

 

He's heard it all before but it always ends the same, blame, disappointment and anger. He can't let this happen with Greg, can't have Greg looking at him with loathing and hate. He doesn't think he could survive.

 

“Sherlock, I would never do anything you didn't want to.”

 

Greg steps closer, taking Sherlock's other hand, holding them tightly as he looks into Sherlock's eyes, his face serious, a tightness around his mouth Sherlock's hates seeing there.

 

“I like you a lot Sherlock, I want to give this a try. We can figure it out, right? You're a genius after all.” Greg gives a smile that doesn't reach his eyes and Sherlock feels sadness creeping it. It's already happening, he's already making Greg sad, seeing the caution in his puppy eyes.

 

“We can make this work Sherlock. I'll do anything to make you happy.”

 

And that's the problem, isn't it? Greg doing everything to make him happy, ignoring his own needs and feelings. He'll resent him for it later, or find someone else to take the edge off. He can't do that, can't make Greg give up his life for him. He deserves more, everything life has to offer and Sherlock isn't that.

 

“We can't do this Lestrade.” He forces himself to sound hard and cold, letting go of Greg's hold and taking a step back, his body hitting the door. He sees the shock on Greg's face, the hurt but he can't stop now.

 

“It was a mistake and it shouldn't happen again. I can't give you what you need. It's better we just stay friends. Bye Lestrade.”

 

He's out the door and down the stairs before he hears movement behind him, Greg calling out his name as the bedroom door slams shut.

 

“Sherlock wait! Wait, please!”

 

He's onto the street and walking to the bus stop by the time Greg catches up with him, blocking his path but not grabbing hold of him, eyes wide and panicked.

 

“Seriously Lestrade, don't make this harder than it already is.” He wants to sound cool and detached but his voice breaks at the last moment and then Greg is holding him tightly, arms around his back, one hand on his head as Sherlock buries his face in the crook of Greg's neck.

 

“Don't you u-understand. I don't want to make you u-unhappy! You deserve someone that's not b-broken. That's not a f-freak!”

 

He wraps his arms around Greg tighter, having trouble breathing as Greg strokes his hair, mumbling near his ear. It makes Sherlock shiver, feeling Greg's breath against his skin, the teasing contact of Greg's lips near his ear and he wants to kiss Greg senseless. Want to hear him moan and say his name in a husky voice, wants to feel Greg's hands on his skin. But how can he ask that of Greg and not give something in return?

 

“Sherlock, Sherlock my darling, please calm down. Breath for me Sherlock, just breathe. I'm right here.”

 

He does as Greg says, breathing in that combination of sunlight and soap. It grounds him, smelling Greg, feeling him against his body and he leans into Greg's warmth, not even caring that they are outside for all the world to see. Sherlock wants to stand there for eternity, wrapped up in Greg, protected and loved.

 

“Come on Sherlock, let's go inside okay?” Greg pulls back, searching Sherlock's face for something and he bites his lip before saying 'please?”It takes a moment, a moment were Greg's face goes from lightly hopeful to utter despair, and then Sherlock nods his head, letting Greg take him back inside, closing the door behind them and going to the living room. It's a small blessing no one is home yet.

 

“Come on.” Greg pats the seat next to him and Sherlock slides down, not able to look at Greg, after all that's happened just now. A small part of him is still furious he even brought it up but the other part, the smart part, knows it's for the best. Greg deserves to know, he deserves to decide what to do now that he knows Sherlock is... Not normal.

 

“Sherlock.

 

“Greg, I.”

 

They both stop and look at each other like fools before they smile. It breaks the tension a little and Greg reaches out to take hold of Sherlock's hand, stroking the palm with his thumb. Sherlock's eyes fall closed without noticing and he hears Greg sigh next to him, eyes flying open again, shame on his face.

 

“Please don't. Don't be upset, Sherlock. Do you have any idea how- how much I care for you?” Greg's eyes are sad as his hand comes up to stroke Sherlock's cheek, his eyes falling closed again, mouth a little open.

 

“God, you're amazing Sherlock.”

 

“How can you say that?” Sherlock blinks, feeling how warm his face is after Greg removes his hand, his eyes sad but kind, holding onto Sherlock's left hand.

 

“How could I not say that?” Greg counters, a challenging look in his eyes and Sherlock is suddenly lost for words. He has a whole list of why he isn't amazing, starting with his smart ass mouth and ending with his broken sexuality.

 

“Why do you believe in me?” Sherlock whispers, feeling stupid for even saying it, seeing how Greg's eyes go wide before going sad again, his hand still holding onto Sherlock's, the warmth of his body radiating onto Sherlock's thin frame.

 

“I'll always believe in you, Sherlock. You're smart, kind, brilliant, amazing, caring, patient, beautiful. I wish you could see what I see when I look at you. It- it upsets me how little you seem to care for yourself. How little worth you think you have. Just because.” Greg stops, licking his lips as he squeezes Sherlock's hand. “Just because you have a different sexual preference doesn't mean you are worthless. Or that I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with you.”

 

“But you-”

 

“Yes, I like sex and yes, I've had sex.” Greg looks at Sherlock's face, a tiny smile on his lips. “ But, it's not the most important thing Sherlock. What we just did, kissing and cuddling, is more than enough. Spending time with you, knowing you, is more than enough. I won't throw that away just because of sex.”

 

Greg's face is serious and Sherlock feels hope light up in his chest. He wants to believe it, wants to believe that he'll be enough for someone like Greg but then he thinks back on his past, all the times he'd thought it would be enough to and it turned out all wrong. Why would this be any different?

 

“Cause it's you and me, Sherlock. The past is done and over and now it's you and me.”

Sherlock blinks and realizes he's said that last thought out loud. His face flames up, wanting to run away and hide but Greg still has a hold on his hand and it feels nice and comfortable.

 

“I want to make this work Sherlock, I want to give this a try and see how it goes. Please?” Greg asks quietly, his face full of hope and Sherlock is nodding his head before he can stop himself. He's never felt like this before, the idea of losing Greg is too painful and something inside him says to trust him, to trust himself.

 

“Can I kiss you now Sherlock? I miss the taste of you already.”

 

And all Sherlock can do is nod and let Greg kiss him. There are still questions and doubts inside him but as Greg opens up his mouth and their tongues meet it's hard for Sherlock to keep thinking. Tasting Greg on his tongue, feeling the wetness and pressure as Greg intensifies the kiss, how Greg let's out a little moan as Sherlock's hand slips to his hair to pull it.

 

It's going to take effort and work and for once it doesn't seem impossible at all.

 

 


End file.
